I'm turning into my parents.

  • March 22, 2017
  • By Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky

We all say it - I'm never going to be like my parents! but sadly kids, it's inevitable. I'd say that the majority of us were raised in a happy home with rules and boundaries that we hated and although we were too young at the time to realize it, it was for our own good. And we turned out pretty good, am I right?

Before I became a parent, I vowed that I would never force my kids to do homework, force my kids to do anything they didn't want to do, let them go out and be free....yet here I am, years later with a child and I find myself raising Kayla as I was raised:

I discipline like fuck.  The only thing that I don't do, which my mom did, is spank. Kayla has never been spanked but I'm hardcore with discipline, as my parents were. I'm all about good manners, respect and proper behaviour; back talk, attitude and disrespect of any form is not tolerated and the consequence is punishment with 100% follow-through.  I don't know how kids today get away with being so rude to their parents; I wasn't even allowed to talk firmly to my parents otherwise, I'd get a swift ninja kick to my ass for being so rude.

Do not bring dishonor to this family!  The entire Asian culture revolves around honor, dignity and respect which, although we're in the 21st century, is still ingrained in the older Chinese folks of my parents (and my?) generation. 

Kayla is an extension of our family which means she's a walking example of how we raise her which is a reflection of me and my husband. Therefore, she will not act like a fucking asshole in public or to any human around her because we are not fucking assholes. She will treat others with respect and kindness and anything less will embarrass me and get her an ass-whooping.

I'm a tiger mom. My kid will not be lazy or dumb. Homework and good grades are a must in this house and I don't like anything less than an A. That doesn't mean that a B is unacceptable, it just means that Kayla has to study harder to get the A I know she's capable of getting.  I also don't believe in paying kids to get good grades or do house chores; people get paid to go to work and do a job and our house is not a place of employment.  Good grades and house chores are things that are expected of Kayla as a contributing member of our household. Freeloaders ain't welcome here.

Homework and studying come first before anything fun and if Kayla decides to dick around with homework, she will sit at her desk all night if she has to in order to finish her work.  If the teacher is a lazy fuck and doesn't give homework, then I assign it; she will do it and do it right....that means if it's not done properly, I will erase the whole thing and she'll have to redo it plus extra work #homiedontplaythat.

I'm a light, water and thermostat nazi. Remember your parents were always nagging you to turn off the light, to not let the water run so long and to throw on a sweater when you're at home because 15C isn't that cold? Yep, that's me. On any given day, I holler at Kayla to turn off the light/water about eleventy billion times.  

Money management is a must! My dad was always on us to save our money.  I was actually pretty good about it and have carried my ninja money-saving skills into adulthood.

Since before she was born, Kayla's had an investment portfolio and RESP. At the age of 6, I started to make her contribute towards her investments (read: I take her money and invest it for her and she can't say shit about it) and save whatever money she gets from birthdays/grandparents etc. 

She has 3 jars: donation, savings and spending.  Any money she gets, she needs to put 10% of that into savings; this is mandatory.  The rest, she can divvy up between donation and spending as she sees fit.  At the end of the year, we donate that money to a charity of her choice.

We also have an agreement - I buy the necessities, she buys the "fun" stuff.  If she wants expensive "fun" stuff, she has to save for it.  Although it kills the cheap chinawoman in me see her squander her money on stupid shit, these are her choices and she will have to deal with any consequences (ie. realizing she's now broke and has to start from $0 to save up again).

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  1. I am constantly walking around shutting off lights and asking David whether he was brought up in a barn. The bathroom isn't afraid of the dark! Turn off the damn light!
    Also, I really wish my parents had taken a page out of your money book. My financial education didn't start until after I graduated college and was on my own with money. I had had common sense before, but no real understanding of money concepts like saving and credit scores, and I cringe to think about how much money I have wasted or missed out on over the years. Good on you for raising Kayla to be a contributing, positive member of society.

  2. I love this so much! I want to be this exact same parent. It is so important to raise kids to be people we want to be around when they get older. And fuck yes to the good grades--- I busted my butt for mine, and my kid will do the same.

  3. I love this! It's so nice to see a parent who clearly loved and cares for their child. I know too many who are just so lax with their children and it drives me nuts. But who am I to say anything? I'm not a mother and never will be so what do I know. The behavior of some of my friends children always amazes me. So disrespectful at such a young age and it just gets worse the older they get.

  4. It would be different if Kayla WEREN'T capable of the A. Some kids aren't (like me, in math, never would have happened no matter how hard I tried) but you know that Kayla is so not getting there is laziness. My parents wouldn't allow less than As in the subjects they knew I could rock, like English, history, Latin, etc.
    Obviously I don't have kids but I definitely turned out like my dad more than my mom, much to her dismay!

  5. I dont have kids of my own so hard to say how much like my mom I am... but believe me, I hear from my husband ALLLLLLL the freaking time, "That was just like your mom"... so I guess its more real than I thought.

  6. Swift ninja kick to the ass. LOL I'm dying. This is great. I had parents who were very hands on with some things (chores) and very hands off with other things (school). It worked out ok, but it was confusing as their child. I definitely wish that I had better money skills and background. I totally agree with Stephanie up there! I was the same math kid. My husband (who majored in math, and now writes math questions for a living!) tutored me through hgih school and college, and I passed, got Cs and Bs.... but there was no way I could have gotten an A. Not ever. Even though I worked my ass off. XO- Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

  7. YES to all of this! Especially the light, water, and thermostat nazi! I see a trend with parents going back to how things were done before as in learning respect and responsibility, playing outside instead of sitting in front of screens, and having to do their homework before play. That's how I plan on raising Serena, and she can think we're the mean parents all she wants when we don't let her have an iPhone in elementary school :)

  8. The disrespect I see to parents and other adults in general is shocking. My parents would have never tolerated it. And they would also never have allowed me or my brother to run around screaming and making fools of ourselves in restaurants or stores, like I see so many parents do. They just ignore their kids' antics. I am not a parent so when it comes to parental stuff, I can't say how much I would be like them but my guess is a lot. I do know that in other areas I am like them, which admittedly freaked me out a bit. Because like you said, we all pinkie swore never to be like them. But now turning off the lights and such makes sense! LOL!

  9. We don't have kids yet, but someday we will (God willing and all that). When we do, we will DEFINITELY be taking more cues from my parents than K's. He was the third child and trailed his brother by 7 years. He had absolutely NO discipline as a child. Fortunately (I think?), he was dragged around to adult events and parties so he learned how to communicate respectively with his seniors and behave like a decent adult. Our kids will have more of a childhood than he did, but no way in HELL am I paying them to make their damn beds or get an A.

  10. I think some would say "glad you're not my mom" or that you're way too strict but I personally love this! Kayla is going to be an awesome adult because of all of this. I think kids REALLY need to learn the value of a dollar from a young age. I know I wish I had.

  11. I'm like this to a degree, particularly with discipline and not raising a rude, spoiled asshole brat. But with homework and grades, Erica pushes herself hard enough that me doing it as well would be counterproductive. And she's a natural saver and sometimes it's a battle to get her to understand that sometimes spending money is okay, especially if it's something you really want.

  12. I for one refuse to raise an asshole so I will be the the mom who makes my kid say please, write thank you notes, have respect for others and carry her own weight around the house with chores. She will be loved of course, but not rotten! And I'm with you, I hate wasting water, electricity, etc!!!

  13. i definitely got hit as a kid but that's because i could be an asshole. if my kids are assholes, i might spank them. probably not because that freaking hurts. but seriously, my mum just had to look at us and we would behave.. in public. we were pretty much assholes at home. but i agree, it's a reflection on the parents and i am not an asshole so i hope my kid isn't. i wish my mum had taught us about money - we were really poor but i didn't know it, and i never went without anything, i just didn't realise it wasn't normal to get everything second hand or donated to us, you know? so when i started making my own money and was able to get credit cards - i made super stupid decisions and i'm 30 now and am like 80% good. 20% of me still likes to buy stupid shit and i'm thankful i have KC because he's crazy good with money and holds me back (in a good way). also, my mum never harped on us about homework, and i don't begrudge her that, she had a lot on her plate with my brothers and i was a good kid (except when i was an asshole) with school and reading, so she never forced me to do anything.. so when i got to high school and started slacking, she still didn't force me and i wish she had. anyway. you're a great mother, i can only hope i'm as badass as you one day.