Things I no longer feel guilty over.

2:12 PM

Like most people, I used to beat myself up over certain things. I would let it eat me up inside and it often distracted me from enjoying life or the things around me.

I'm not sure if it's my age or the fact that several tragic things have happened in my life that helped put things into perspective but I've realized that guilt does nothing but bring negativity into my life and ain't nobody got time for that.  So to all that guilt?



I no longer feel guilty about:


+ Not going to the gym/not working out.  You all know how disciplined I am with the gym/working out and there's not much that prevents me from working out.  I used to feel so guilty not working out for one day, even if it was beyond my control (ie. weather, illness, stupid work deadlines/meetings) and I actually felt that not exercising would undo all of my hard work...as in I had it in my head that I would get weaker/put on weight if I didn't work out that day.

Instead of looking at not working out as something bad, I consider it a good thing - my body NEEDS rest. My muscles need time to recover.  I workout 6 days a week and I know one day of rest isn't enough so I enjoy these rest days as time my body needs to recover, prevent burnout, get stronger and feel rested.  Also, burnout sucks; something I never want to happen again.

+ Eating when I wasn't "supposed" to.  Let me clarify -- I've never had issues with food or overeating but I did impose a super strict eating routine/schedule when I overhauled my health.  I felt it was necessary at the time to control my eating habits and it just stayed with me because it was all I knew and because I was afraid that if I let go of the reigns just a tiny bit, I'd go on a bender from which I wouldn't be able to return.  This past holiday eating excluded, I will continue to eat healthy but also allow myself a dessert once in a while because it's all about balance.  And #yolo.

+ Spending money.  A lot of this stemmed from the fact that I grew up without much money.  I am not ashamed to admit that, like many immigrants to a new country, my family struggled to make ends meet.  They tried so hard to provide my sister and I with everything that we wanted but most of the time, couldn't.  I never faulted them for that and it taught me a valuable lesson about money - that it must be saved.

Financial freedom is something hard to obtain and one can't obtain that through frivolous spending so I save every penny; maybe too much.  I joke on this blog about being a cheap chinawoman but it's 100% true - I never spent much money because I'm afraid of financial instability. I'm afraid of having to struggle like my parents did. I'm afraid that spending X dollars will put us in the hole, even though I know it won't.  But circumstances have since changed my perspective (a little); namely, I can't take my money with me when I'm dead.  I work hard and I should enjoy the money I make so I take those vacations and I treat myself once in a while.

+ My depression.  Those who have been following me for a while know that I went through an awful depression after Kayla was born. For a long time, I felt guilty over the things I felt and thought during those dark times and I honestly felt like I missed out on the first two years of her life.  Although things are much different now, memories of how things were, how I was and how I felt used to make me cry however, I no longer feel that way...the silver lining to that terrible time was that it made me see how precious and amazing life is and to cherish every moment I have with my family.

Have you let go of your guilt?


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17 comments

  1. I can relate to the eating & spending areas. I am a hardcore rule follower, so I will make rules for myself surrounding eating or spending and then feel insurmountable guilt when I eat half a brownie or spend $20 at Michael's on stuff that I don't *need*. My friend's Dad recently turned 50 and adopted the slogan "thrifty 'til you're fifty then spend 'til the end', which is hilarious and also a pretty good outlook on things. His kids are grown, they are financially stable so they may as well enjoy the things they've worked hard for.

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  2. I really like where you went with this post. I have always been such a pennypincher, but recently we've been doing pretty well and I switched jobs and we've been meal planning and saving money. I wanted a new dress for a wedding this weekend and I just decided, F*ck it. I want a new dress, I'm going to go buy a new dress. And maybe I'll get a manicure (to try and curb this nail biting, ha).

    I don't feel guilty about eating either. There's a plethora of things I DO feel bad about, but maybe I can change that in the future.

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  3. I need to take a page from your book and stop feeling guilt over all the things. Seriously. I didn't know you suffered depression after Kayla's birth. :( I dealt with some issues after Caleb's birth as well and feel like I missed out on his newborn days a bit. Luckily, they were too little to ever remember.

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  4. My faults. We all have them. I'm not perfect and I don't try to cover that up.

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  5. I never feel guilty about taking time for myself...totally unplugging and letting go. it's for that reason that I'm not (more of) a stressed out nut case! ha!

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  6. I 100% related to feeling guilty about not being able to make it to the gym. I struggle with this a lot but you're so right, our bodies NEED that rest! It's just hard to get into that mindset sometimes. Spending money is hard for me, mainly with bigger purchases. Like when we bought our house or my car last year. But yes, we should enjoy some of the money that we make!

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  7. I need to work on not feeling guilty when I can't work out, I always feel like a sloth and honestly one day is not going to make a difference! You're a total rockstar in the self discipline <3

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  8. I'm working on not feeling guilty. I feel guilty when I can't help someone because of a situation. I feel guilty when I don't workout because I know I should. But i'm learning, each day at a time.

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  9. This post is everything. I feel guilty all the time if I don't workout, and I'm trying to change that, because it makes zero sense. Rest is good! And oy, yes, to the guiltiness of eating something delicious -- I need to let that shit go too.

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  10. I am one that feels guilty over everything myself. I put the world on my shoulder & feel the need to please so much. SO learning to say NO & putting myself first is something I'm working on giving up guilt for.

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  11. I do have guilt about certain things in my life but whereas it used to physically upset me to ponder over now I can revisit it for a minute and let it go. It is impossible to control everything in life and sometimes you screw up. With age comes the ability to look at mistakes or dark times simply as growth opportunities!

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  12. I have a good bit of weight to lose and I'm learning to stop beating myself up if I don't have a perfect eating day. One bad meal didn't make me fat and it won't kill me now, either.

    I have zero guilt over my depression. I wish it didn't exist and it did but looking at what it's made me alleviates all of that. I've learned things about myself I never would have known without it.

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  13. I'm not Catholic but you would think I am the way I wear guilt like a badge of shame. I put the weight on the world on my shoulders and it is a heavy burden. I shame myself over and over of past mistakes, regrets and hurts. And I need to let it go. Part of my problem is that they have become a part of me and I wonder who would be left if I just let them go. Besides a much happier person. As I've gotten older, my ability to shrug off things has improved but I have a long way to go. Seeing how you have been able to move forward helps immensely. Thank you for sharing and being honest with us.

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  14. I still hold guilt over stupid things, things I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about, but it's still there. It's something I've been working on now for years, and I have made strides. It's a journey.
    Because it is a personal battle for me, I am always inspired by posts like this. We may not share the same reasons that "guilt" existed, but that's okay. I can relate to the journey, and I'm inspired by you (and others) who are able to work through it.

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  15. Oh my gosh, I *hear* that this is what happens once you are in your 30's. I don't know if that's a myth.. or coincidence... or whatever... but I worry about everything. I feel guilty about everything. That is why I work SO hard on self care, and anxiety, and goals. Because it seriously helps me NOT to feel as guilty about things, and to think about real limitations and not be so hard on myself. If any of that makes sense. I love your list, it seems like you are in a really great place, I can't wait to continue getting somewhere similar. :) XO - Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

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  16. I am learning to let go of guilt but it is still a struggle for me. I am getting better though!

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  17. It's so funny you wrote this, because I've been thinking about the word "guilt" so much lately. I'm trying really hard not to have this feeling ever about anything that I do/control. You work your ass off in the gym so often that you should never feel guilty about skipping a day. You can just call it "treat yoself" Happy Hump Day

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