Things I no longer feel guilty over.2:12 PM
Like most people, I used to beat myself up over certain things. I would let it eat me up inside and it often distracted me from enjoying life or the things around me.
I'm not sure if it's my age or the fact that several tragic things have happened in my life that helped put things into perspective but I've realized that guilt does nothing but bring negativity into my life and ain't nobody got time for that. So to all that guilt?
I no longer feel guilty about:
+ Not going to the gym/not working out. You all know how disciplined I am with the gym/working out and there's not much that prevents me from working out. I used to feel so guilty not working out for one day, even if it was beyond my control (ie. weather, illness, stupid work deadlines/meetings) and I actually felt that not exercising would undo all of my hard work...as in I had it in my head that I would get weaker/put on weight if I didn't work out that day.
Instead of looking at not working out as something bad, I consider it a good thing - my body NEEDS rest. My muscles need time to recover. I workout 6 days a week and I know one day of rest isn't enough so I enjoy these rest days as time my body needs to recover, prevent burnout, get stronger and feel rested. Also, burnout sucks; something I never want to happen again.
+ Eating when I wasn't "supposed" to. Let me clarify -- I've never had issues with food or overeating but I did impose a super strict eating routine/schedule when I overhauled my health. I felt it was necessary at the time to control my eating habits and it just stayed with me because it was all I knew and because I was afraid that if I let go of the reigns just a tiny bit, I'd go on a bender from which I wouldn't be able to return. This past holiday eating excluded, I will continue to eat healthy but also allow myself a dessert once in a while because it's all about balance. And #yolo.
+ Spending money. A lot of this stemmed from the fact that I grew up without much money. I am not ashamed to admit that, like many immigrants to a new country, my family struggled to make ends meet. They tried so hard to provide my sister and I with everything that we wanted but most of the time, couldn't. I never faulted them for that and it taught me a valuable lesson about money - that it must be saved.
Financial freedom is something hard to obtain and one can't obtain that through frivolous spending so I save every penny; maybe too much. I joke on this blog about being a cheap chinawoman but it's 100% true - I never spent much money because I'm afraid of financial instability. I'm afraid of having to struggle like my parents did. I'm afraid that spending X dollars will put us in the hole, even though I know it won't. But circumstances have since changed my perspective (a little); namely, I can't take my money with me when I'm dead. I work hard and I should enjoy the money I make so I take those vacations and I treat myself once in a while.
+ My depression. Those who have been following me for a while know that I went through an awful depression after Kayla was born. For a long time, I felt guilty over the things I felt and thought during those dark times and I honestly felt like I missed out on the first two years of her life. Although things are much different now, memories of how things were, how I was and how I felt used to make me cry however, I no longer feel that way...the silver lining to that terrible time was that it made me see how precious and amazing life is and to cherish every moment I have with my family.