Humpday Confessions [12-21]12:00 AM
+ I honestly think that doctors' brains are wired differently because I found out that my doc changed her schedule and now only takes appointments for physicals right before lunch. What?! How can you look at vaginas and then go grab food? *insert taco joke here*.
+ Speaking of physicals, why must doctors feel the need to talk while they're down there peering into my fucking soul and stabbing my lady bits with that god-awful mascara-looking wand thing? I get she's trying to make me comfortable but shit, please don't talk to me as you do unspeakable acts of violation to my baby box, k? thanks.
+ Got my blood pressure checked and the doc said: "105 over 70; that's really really good!".
+ I totally declined a bunch of (Facebook) friend requests from every.single.coworker because why would I want someone I work with knowing my personal life?
+ Am I the only parent who derives no joy from that stupid Elf on the Shelf? 6 nights out of 7, we're already in bed just about to go to sleep and then I hear (or I say) "FUCK! we forgot to move the elf!". Then it becomes a "who's going to get out of bed to move it" discussion and we often have to resort to several rounds of rock-paper-scissors.
+ Kayla's cousins got an "elf reindeer" that you're allowed to touch (since you can't touch the elf). I wish my inlaws would stop with this fuckery/making my life difficult because now Kayla is wondering if an elf reindeer will come to our house...that means TWO annoying things I'd have to remember to move around each night. I haven't said anything, she hasn't asked but you can be damn sure that an elf reindeer is not welcome up in hurr.
+ You know you're old when you have a conversation with your (post-menopausal) mom about how can we get more calcium into our bodies to prevent osteoporosis.